(((((((((Irish me))))))))))) It sounds to me that you acted oout of love both times. I would tell him more or less the truth about why you did what you did; less in that maybe he doesn't need to know everytwist and turn or path of reasoning. He was, in fact, a wanted child, and you did what was best for him at the time. The fact that the adoption was open means to me at least that you never intended to "abandon" him.

The problems he has can be diagnosed in childhood. I had at least one of the same as a child, but wasn't diagnosed. I also know that there is a strong genetic component to those same disorders that can be triggered by psychological or physical stresses. It's very possible that neither you nor the woman who was his adopted mother are accountable for the problems he has. I hope that this can ease your mind. You did what you could at the time, and I'm sure she did too. Unfortunately, none of us can see into the future.

Let your feelings for him guide you. I think you can probably get a feel for what might be to much for him to handle. He is still a very young man, and one who may not be able to manage everything at once. Make sure that what you tell him you tell him for his sake, and not to unload your own anxiety or guilt. There really are some things in such a case that are legitimately your business, not any one else's. Divulge them only if you think it wil help him.
(((((((((((Irish me)))))))))))) Bless you! You made some very hard choices and have to make a few more, but I think you will be able to handle it, as you handled the others. IMHO I admire you for doing your best and putting a bad life behind you. establishing contact with your son does not have to waken that to life again. he is a separate person. I hope really that you tow can be friends, at least. Take care of yourself. Huggss