In a very real way, this has absolutely nothing to do with my parents. Although it creeps up from time to time, my issues/past with them have largely been forgiven. I must say that my dad, whom I long thought incapable of change, has, in the past few years, become a good friend to me. My mother? well, the capacity to forgive and understand appears to me to be endless. The capacity to tolerate, however, is most definately not.

The issue is with my brother, who is currently back living with them. I do not feel safe around him - he is a volatile substance abuser. Some years ago he injured me physically injured me quite badly - an injury that literally hurts every single day and serves as a reminder of *exactly* what he is capable of.

Rather than understanding and respecting my need for safety, they seem to have taken a different path of understanding and are taking it very personally.

It is not easy for them for him to be back in the house either, but they continue to choose to let him stay as "he is their son".

So somehow, in the most twisted logic ever *I* came out the bad guy.

It hurts me to see him hurt them, and all I wanted to do was protect myself.

I'm simultaneously amazed, mortified, and as hard as I tried to prevent it -hurt.

Sigh. Sorry to be such a downer, but sometimes the holidays just suck.