My ex wrote me an email saying that she wanted to talk to me. She broke up with me two months ago, and I'm still kinda in the dark over the reason why, and I think she is too. I'm torn in two directions right now. I miss her, a lot, and I still love her. My heart tells me to talk to her, hear her out, see what this is all about. It tells me that everything can be repaired, that we can be happy again. My brain tells me that she hurt me, bad. When I used to think of her I thought of marriage, children, longevity, and love. Now I feel hurt, betrayed, and abandoned when I think of her. We had some issues in our relationship, nothing serious, little things here and there. But in order for me to "get over her" over these past months I've blown up the negative side of things so much in my head it's almost impossible to look past it now.

I may be looking too far into this, she may just ask for some of the things she left here back, or just to say hi, or who knows, maybe she has some horrible news that will drive my heart even deeper into the ground. I can't decide if I want to talk to her or not. For the past two months, all I wanted to do was talk to her, but I held myself back, didn't pick up the phone to call her, no emails, nothing. Now that she made the first step towards talking again, I don't know if I want to go through with it. I feel like the chances of anything positive coming out of this are so small and the chances of me getting stepped on again are so huge that it may be better just to spare myself the chance. I'm in a bad place right now mentally, she was the one thing in my life I was sure of and I lost her in the blink of an eye. A handful of other unfortunate events over the past few months have really put me into a pretty bad depression. I feel like if she tells me something like "I was cheating on you" I will just break into pieces right there.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what's on her mind and it scares me. I feel like such a fool for putting so much of myself into her. I basically tossed my own foundation out the window and adopted her as my new foundation. In doing so, I lost a lot of friends, but I considered it worth it because I was in love, I had what I had been searching for, I didn't need anything else. Now that it's over I feel even dumber because I brushed off friends for her and it all ended like this.

I don't know what to do.