I don't even know if this is the right place. I never really thought what happened was a particularly traumatic event, but I may be seriously wrong. I do have plenty of trusting issues, so who knows.

When I young (and I'm not sure how much, but I've always guessed I was around 8 years old) my older and adopted cousin sexually abused me (he was in his 20s, by the way). It wasn't anything rough/violent/humiliating. He didn't rape me, nor did he make me do anything especially nasty, and it only happened once. As far as sexual abuse goes, I think it was pretty okay. He just touched me and himself.

Still, I had a terrible feeling about all of it. I was aware it was wrong and disconcerting. I told him I had to go, but he said what we were doing was ok because we were family. And that's all I can remember. I have no idea how I got to his room or where was everyone else (my parents, my grandma and my aunts). I can't remember what happened afterwards, except for some flashes. I think I remember my mom crying in the car on our way home and asking me why my shorts were like that, and I told her I was too sleepy, could we talk later?. She got angry with my reply and said I was lying, my dad said that's not how you talk to a child and that's as far as my memory goes.

I have NO CLUE whatsoever as to why they didn't ask any further later and seem to completely ignore that night sill nowadays (they still talk with my cousin and act like everything is fine, and so do I). It's so nonsense, I've actually wondered if I didn't make it all up -- but no, I'm pretty sure it happened. Maybe I made up the part when they notice what happened because I needed some reassurance? More likely, they chose to ignore it and see if I'd forget it. Why? All this time, I had to deal with it all alone.

To be honest, the abuse itself wasn't so bad. It was awkward and embarassing, but it wasn't as near as bad as my parents' reactions in the car. It was like I was guilty of something, like I was suddenly dirty and not their little girl anymore. I felt rejected and wrong.

Now, for years I thought that night was not traumatic at all and that I was okay. But now I think maybe I have so many issues because of what happened, and maybe I should remember.

My question is: do you think I have PTS? Even it was so long ago and nothing too traumatic, in theory? Should I try those therapy sessions that make you remember things you had forgotten, so maybe I get some closure once and for all?

Talking with my parents isn't an option. I'm just not gonna do it.