I guess 'blowing a gasket' is what these forums are here to help us with. We all need that pressure valve releasing occasionally! But it does sound like your in a deep depression at the moment as well as struggling with eating problems. I know the two go hand in hand so much of the time, but it can help to get some support in dealing with depression specifically...do you use the other boards on psychcentral?
And I guess thats the problem with hoping that we can be 'self-sufficient' - its can be really painful to admit/discover that there really is no such thing! We all need help in our own ways....(I know I do! but thats another story)....
Hope you find the extra help your needing at the moment Whoswho...it wont always be like this, and Im sure oneday, and hopefully sooner rather than later, you'll realise that you are putting your energies into something productive and that sense of satisfaction will come to you,

Whats the old saying?..."This too will pass"

best wishes, Matt c