if you want to see your kids, petition the court for supervised visits. it'll be a battle, but at least the kids will know you are fighting for them. they need to know mom cares. ask the court to allow you to write to them through some supervising agency for starters. they almost never deny that.

please get started - kids need to know their mom loves them. it can be pretty damaging to their self-esteem if they think mom doesn't care. So, just start out with the letters and let them know you care, you've made mistakes, and you think they are *wonderful*.

good luck.