ugh noobinberg... i cal tell in what you write you're having a really rough time right now. I'm there myself but it sounds like in different ways. I am so sorry you feel like crap right now. Do you have plans for the holiday or can you make plans for the holiday? Sometime getting out of the house and just going for a walk can be helpful. I know it usually seems like a huge task to try to get up and do something but it really can help. Also, getting back on a normal schedule can be helpful. Laying off the coffee and drinking water or Gatorade or somthing without caffeine and a ton of sugar and setting an alarm for 3 times a day and eating something, even if it's just a piece of toast or a cup of soup or whatever. Also, I wasn't entirely clear if you're taking meds or not.... if you're prescribed them, make sure you're taking them regularly. YOu didn't mention drinking alcohol or doing drugs at all, but I would be avoiding both of those at all costs at this point.. makes things more unstable. If nothing is working and you're unsafe then call a crisis line or go to the hospital. It's not worth dying... you won't always feel this bad. Just try to think about that. One day at a time at this point.... hang in there... hope you get to feeling better soon.