(((kris))) for each of us it is different, with me if it is someone that I (we) feel safe with. we have exsperenced the same thing. We have found that at times that is the only way we feel truely loved by our chosen partner. Its hard to make a man understand that when they give an abused women safe and comfortable sex, they want it more to fill the voide of not being loved before but just an instrament to get their rocks off. For those of us women that have been able to still enjoy this side of life we still have to learn that sex is not real love but the holding of each other that is the true love.