Heidu,

Thanks for telling me that I'm not the only one who does that! As a child I laughed when someone got in trouble. I was so embarrassed, and I tried so hard to control it, but that only made it worse and people stared at me. I didn't really think it was funny. I might have been a little relieved that it was them and not me getting in trouble, but I really felt awful about showing the wrong reaction and not being able to control it. I never put it together before, but I was very nervous and very uncomfortable. So while I never managed to entirely eliminate the inappropriate expressions, I reduced it to a weird smile. That really makes sense. And I guess that a nervous smile really is not uncommon at all.

I think that we can either grow from pain and become stronger or we can let it destroy us. What happened to me was necessary for me to break out of the numbness and depression that had just kept building up over pretty much my whole life. I guess I'm glad that it happened because I don't know if I ever would have gotten any better otherwise, and because I can remember it and know that it is something I don't want to go through again.

Hugs to you too,
Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>