I am going through a similar situation. Your husband/boyfriend cheated on you and you want details and answers. If he cares about you, he will give you those answers, and you deserve them. Its normal to wonder what he did with her, said to her, etc...so dont feel bad for feeling the way you do. When I found out my wife was having an affair I was numb for 2 weeks, I couldnt function. I am now, 5 months later going through depression. Its just how one processes an affair. He betrayed you in the worst way possible. If you can afford it go to counseling, even if he wont go, do it for you. You deserve better. I hope all works out for you.