shezbut, I think you and I are very similar. I do "blow up" sometimes for the dumbest things. Which is another thing that I would love to fix. As far as accepting my past, I don't, in fact the abuser apologised to me awhile ago, which I think has made things worse. I am very up and down with my emotions on a regular basis.
I will look into a community mental health center as I don't want to jump into a person at once and worrying about if we don't click or they can't help me. I like the idea of people helping me fit in to when I should be. I really apprecite all the help I have gotten so far. I don't know much about PTSD but I have been holding this a secret for a very very long time without help. And maybe this is the root cause of all my other problems.