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Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I think y'all might be right. I do feel safe and secure with my boyfriend and maybe me wanting the safe sex so frequently is because I enjoy the fact that I do in fact feel safe with him and I didn't have that growing up from my abusers. Maybe I'm trying to make up for it that way. I'm not sure.
I know that sex does not equal love or anything of that sort. Problem is I don't feel that way and I know it. I feel that if I'm not always wanting to be sexual, always wanting to do something no matter when or where, that he will leave. My abusers taught me at a young age that sex is number one. According to them it comes before everything else, otherwise they never would have done those things to me right?
Because of what my abusers did to me, I do honestly feel like no man will love me unless I have sex with him. That I can't keep a mans interest at all unless we are having sex. Maybe it's because my abusers only paid me special attention when there was some form of sexual activity involved.
This isn't an abuse thread so I'll come off that topic but I do see now where my sexual urges probably stem from. Is this a problem though? Do I need to get counceling for it? I mean I don't have sex with multiple partners, never have, I practice extremely safe sex, it doesn't effect my daily routines, just nightly routines... Do I need help for it?
Now that I think about my past in this perspective, trying to figure out if I do have a problem, I'm seeing this is no new issue.
I remember getting interested in sex at a very young age. Once I started having sex with my ex it was an all the time thing as well. I didn't enjoy it like I do now but I wanted it all of the time none the less. Until I no longer felt comfort with him at all, than I never wanted to. This same thing happened with my soon to be ex husband. In the beginning it was an all the time thing as it is now, and I didn't enjoy it like I do now than either, but I still wanted it until he started showing his true colors, than it took all I had to have sex with him.
I'm thinking now that with the new man I'm with, I probably do feel really safe with him. I know he can hurt me like any other person in the world, but he's giving me back my confidence and I know that no matter what he does to me, he will never be able to verbally or physically abuse me, he might cheat, he might get into hard drugs or something, but I know when I look at him, and I know with how well he treats me, that he will never abuse me. Maybe that is why I enjoy it so much with him and didn't the others.
In between boyfriends and husbands, there was a one night stand, I couldn't even go 6 months without sex. And what's worse, is that night with the one night stand, even than I was the same way. Right after we left the bedroom I was trying to have sex with him again. I didn't enjoy it at all actually, it was rather painful but I still wanted to do it again, and I did.
It's amazing what you can learn about yourself when just studying your behavior. Now that I know that this is a psychological thing, should I get help for it? Is is necessary?
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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