Thank you monty.
I thought I had it right. I even checked in the morning what time it was. I don't understand how I got it wrong when I was so careful. It's scary feeling like I am not really here, feeling like I am getting these things wrong even when I am trying to get them right.

I'm trying to believe what the doctor suggested to me today, that I need a break from all these rememberings. That was what Ruth said too. But I told them both I wasn't trying to remember things, they just ocme. I want not to remember any more, but I can't stop them and I need help to deal with them.

We will have fun on holiday but it is still scary. It is scary because I have to sort things out still and I don't feel strong enough to. But W is taking the girls out for the day tomrrow so maybe I can try to do some of the scary stuff then. T hat way I can have a good cry if I need to and he won't be worried.

We are going to France, near to the river Rhone. we will be staying in a gite which is part of a country chateau. There is a swimming pool there too. We will fly to Grenoble and then spend 2 days in Lyon before going to the gite. I still have to sort out a hotel for Lyon. That's a bit of a scary job because I have to decide and I don't likemaking decisions on my own right now. I also have to do some money decisions and those are even more scary. I want to be an ostrich but that is what W is doing so I have to be a grownup and sort it out.
We are going to look at nice places nearby in the mornings (we have a car hired) and then in the afternoons we are going to sit by the pool and swim in the pool and barbecue and read books in the sunshine. We are all looking forward to that.
Thank you for asking and giving me good things to think about.
Caroline