It was really strange today, I wondered if she'd email today, and though part of me was almost excited about this idea, part of me felt like a child with their arms folded tight wanting to be allowed some independence. I felt strangely connected to perhaps what I was imagining T's possible deliama over this same issue, if she did email today would that be too intrusive and possible to soon in the break?

I wondered if I was hoping to feel really important in T's life for her to contact me today, xmas day and if thats what was behind my wanting it, then I didnt want it.

I feel myself falling into my own trap here, putting all sorts of meanings to actions I have no real understanding off.

Perhaps this is good, this is what therapys all about, learning to think things through and to not jump to conclusion and/or act them out when nothing has been checked first.

Yes if T doesnt connect with me at during this break then I think I would like to bring this up and say, what happened to your pro-active stance? it will be difficult to do that adultly because I feel the hurt child within me already wanting to create a scene and make T pay if she doesnt, and I hate that I feel that way, but can do it differently and talk about it when I return.

watch this space LOL