Thank you (((((Silver))), ((((( __zh))))), (((((Carolone))))) and (((((GEMinMD))))).

Just a short time ago i woke up and the first thing i felt was the pain

It was a hard day. H took me and waited- not only dropped me off- that was good.

When i went to the hospital, i still didn't know which adult part was the strongest to come for the surgery . i don't have communication skills - i'm working to get that now at therapy.

The first thing i heard at the hospital was my nurse talking about a camping trip so K. came out- she's the hiker and outdoors one- a very strong and unfearing person. i was able to be ok for most of the preparations then the nurse had a hard time with the IV. She asked my Dr to do it- using an anesthetic and he triggered me by swearing and getting so angry because it was a type of IV that he wasn't familiar with


Then the dr chose not to give me any sedation like we had planned to in advance. The last time we tried to have surgery my littles were so afraid and panicked and we couldn't have the surgery because he delayed on the sedation. This time he told me to take my usual valium and then changed his mind about sedation
i feel that my Dr is sadistic.

We cried so much when the needle went into my back. The nurse kept saying "You're doing ok " over and over, and i wasn't ok- littles were feeling so bad inside, so afraid that we were going to die, wishing teddy was there to hold, wanting it to be over and go home.

Then after awile it was over- i lost the rest of the time and we were in the recovery room taking BP and everything from the waist down was so numb.

H came. Dr talked to me- the mess about getting a dx and the hopes about this nerve block- steroids injected that will take effect in 3-7 days and work days or weeks or months.

Then i had to stay two hours until i could have enough feeling to walk.

H drove me home and i went to sleep, taking another valium because i hated the feeling of the numbness in my hips and that whole area. then i woke up , in pain again at 8pm.

Dr wants me to call the office and schedule another one in two weeks, tears, i don't see how i can.
i just want out of everything. i want to be out of pain or at least have a dr validate my pain - that it's severe and find the physical source and an apology for the horrible way that i was treated all these months.
And stop the pain without me feeling terrified or guilty ever again.

kerria