I sincerely thank all that posted. It is nice to be understood, and to have affirmed that the my parent's logic was, in fact, twisted.

As soon as she realized that anger and acting out was not going to work, she completely switched tactics - crying and suicide threats (something unfortunately I'm all too familiar with).

Things really kicked up as I included in my holiday (OMG!) visits to other relatives that mean a lot to me - my grandmother and my uncle.

/sarcasm/ Clearly, I should have chosen NOT to do that as simply trying to enact some semblance of things that meant a lot to me obviously was designed to cause them (largely my mother, actually) immense hurt.

I also left entirely too early in order to satisfy obligations that I made for myself and to others. Really, what was I thinking? Obviously of nothing but hurting her.../sarcasm/

I don't know why there can be absolutely no recognition of anything that was important to me at all. None.

In my heart I know that most of this comes down to a desire, on my mother's part, to control my actions which ultimately leads to the satisfaction of her own needs.

I'm convinced that my actual presence or actions mean very little to her. In fact, I think it matters very little how she truly feels (which she likely doesn't even know), the importance is placed on her ability to control what I do.

It's a sinister, yet effective form of abuse.

I'm grateful I am adult, with agency of action. I'm also very grateful that I can act on that agency and help myself. I know I helping myself.

Given that, I still feel tremendous guilt. She is very very good at what she does.