Oh! I used to do the VERY same thing. For me it was a defense mechanism. I was too fearful to say how I felt-- fear of physical abuse and emotional abuse. Just felt like I couldn't risk such vulnerability.

It took a l-o-n-g time for me to start voicing my feelings/thoughts. I think it wouldn't have taken nearly as long had I went and got counseling help back then. (would have saved me from A LOT of fighting with my partner-- I wasn't being fair to him, NOT saying what upset me, gave him no clue as to how to help the situation-- think he felt helpless and confused and felt if I cared about "us" I'd take the initiative to speak up... he didn't know, and most don't..... just how deep a fear can go)

Have you ever considered meeting with a therapist or someone in a similar field? even just a handful of visits could help you to venture out of that thick, strong fortress that, while protects one it also keeps one from living a fully expressive life and puts a "cog" in the wheel of relationships.

best to you and Welcome!

purple fins