Hello all,

I am new here, and wanted to just sound everyone about something that is really irritating, worrying, and making me sad a lot. My wife and I have been married for under 5 months, she's 7 years my junior, i know she loves me dearly and so do I. The issue is about her approach to things. Right now, we are going through a lot of change, new country, I am just transitioning after a master's to the real world, etc etc. So its hard on both of us, and being younger, I guess its fair she has a harder time and possibly less ability to be a true partner to me. Also, I think I have expectation issues, I expect too much or have specific expectations of her, which when not met, obviously cause disappointment and frustration for me.

Anyway, so my question is, how do I tell my wife, that I feel she's not there for me in my darkest hour, that i want her to stand by me all the time and be my true partner in life. She seems very aloof, and immature, for her, a cuddle some baby talk, is all she seems to be able to offer and this really doesn't satisfy me in anyway. For example, I have to get a new license, and I am busy with job searching, finishing my thesis etc, but she did not take any initiative to help me with the license matter. My expectation was for her to look up the info and maybe call the place and tell me here's what you have to do, instead, after I tell her to check on the license details, she emails me the phone number...does not have the initiative, or is just simply too lazy to make that call. It goes on and on, we live with her cousins, until we settle down, and we both like to move about, and i've made comments a few times about finding our way to the library...she has yet to budge, so finally last night I stopped all my work and looked at the local maps etc. We are both new to this country so its not like I know more about the area. The only thing she does religiously is call her mom and gossip about her relatives etc etc, nothing indepth about our life either, and then lots of facebook time checking her friends pictures.

I asked her the other day if she can help me track the job listings I have identified...so it keeps me accountable etc...she said sure...but its been 2 days she's forgotten and that's it. She always asks what she can do to help, but I am tired of telling her specifics, i.e., i feel (i guess my problem?) that she should THINK a bit, take some INITIATIVE about OUR life and do some stuff??? Am I being unreasonable? Am I really messed up that I am expecting too much of her?

I am afraid to bring this up as it might make her feel really bad about herself...so I keep it to myself, and then have the occasional blow up, no yeling or anything, just shut myself off from her for a bit because I am so hurt and annoyed.

thanks for listening.