Right so the festivites have now ended.... Hope you all had a great Christmas

My Christmas was super. It was different from a "normal" Christmas.

I had just 1 big problem over the festivites. I had my work's night out the week before Christmas. I haven't been in work for now nearly 5 weeks. My doc signed me off as my depression has been a bit ott. Anyways my 2 mates encouraged me to go as I haven't been going out etc etc etc. The 1st half of the night was great. I had a good time and everyone was not treating me like a freak. They still don't know they just think I am run down. Anyways I had a few drinks, I haven't been drinking since I am on meds but thought I might as well as I needed cheering up. We went from a pub to a club and in the club I needed to get some air. So I went to go out but it was snowing so just moved to a seating area and out of the blue started crying. I just couldn't stop. I mean I was proper crying and I don't know why. I was spotted by a colleague who doesn't know why I am off sick. She went and got my 2 mates and I ended up being comforted by them. Firstly I am embarrassed for crying in the club, Secondly I am embarrassed for needing my friends to hug me, Thirdly I am blaming the alcohol. But I don't know how to overcome this. I was apologising lke mad to my mates and they were like don't worry but I am. What if it happens again, what if I cant stop crying???? God its a nightmare.

So for New Years I have decided to do nothing. My folks always have a party but this year I am not going. I am not into New Years. My colleague invited me and my mate and her voyfriend to her's to celebrate the new year with her and her boyfriend. I have declined as I do not want to be the gooseberry as usual on a special night. My sis wants me to go out on Hogmanay(Dec 31st) with her and her mates but I am just not in the mood. I am back at the doc's on Wed 30th I am wanting to go back to work. I am on shift as on New Years Night a backshift with my service user. I said I would pop into my Aunts after my shift to see the family.

Anyways thought I better update this.