((((typo)))) I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate to so much of you wrote in your posts. I don't know if that helps you at all, but I and others here really do understand how you feel. You are not alone.
I have a safe spot, too, like you mentioned with your yogo mat. I'm glad you have that and you can feel more grounded there. And keep telling yourself, you are safe, you are safe.
I want to thank you for finding the courage & strength to write here, it helps me a lot to see that other people have the same thoughts and feelings and reactions that I do.
I know this week has been a hard one in a lot of ways for you, and for a lot of us. I hope things calm down soon.