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Originally Posted by xxAmyxx
I've been trying to seek advice for this but have got little to no help with google (which is how I found these forms.).
I completely shut down when I am upset and it is upsetting my partner. We live together and when I get upset I completely shut down. I won't talk, move, I just kind of stare into space and be generally unresponsive.
This is how my outside reacts. On the inside I am screaming at myself to move or do something but it is like my body just won't react.
I want to talk to him about why I get upset but I can't. Its like my body won't let me.
He gets so mad when I won't respond but he just won't understand that I can't. I am so afraid that this could end our relationship and I don't want that to happen. I want to fix this.
I have trust issues and have also been physically abused in the past. I keep thinking this is a defense mechanism but I am not sure.
Most of the things that I get upset with him over is the fact that he won't tell me when things upset him. He wants "to make me happy" but I feel sometimes its at the price of him being happy. I have heard some of the complaints he has about me and I just don't understand why he won't come to me with them so I can fix them. I could never say this to him though. Like I said I just shut down.
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I am going to respond in kind because my brother just came for Christmas and is going through something very similiar.
He and his girlfriend have been together for quite some time. I would say a good seven or eight years. They also live together and have for approx. five of those years. As a result of the economy, the two of them have suffered hard times and money crunches. When they have a disagreement or dispute/argument, she tends to shut down as well. This wasn't always true with their relationship. Even though I have only heard one side of the story, because it was his side maybe you will benefit. When she shuts down he says,"she hides behind her eyes." He explains that she sits close to the window, lights a smoke and stares out of the window without saying a word for hours....maybe even days. From what I hear from him, it seems that he makes his own explanations and comes to his own conclusions about thier disputes, because she won't imput. I would be willing to bet that at least 70% of his imterpretations aren't accurate. Even if you have to write him a letter after one of these episodes. Believe me when I tell you he isn't getting an accurate picture of your true intentions or feelings if you won't let him know somehow. I wish you the very best. I believe that your post was brought to my attention for a reason.
