Thank you all for your kind words of understanding and support.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sw628
Though i didn't see my mother, she made it her duty to call me on Christmas eve and load all of her guilt on me. It's the same story all of the damn time. Her calls usually consist of, Sw628, why don't you just call me sometime. I know i haven't been a mother to you and there are so many years that i can't get back with you..blah..blah..blah. It ended in her sobbing and my anger,anxiety and sadness, through the roof. She is the textbook definition of a narcissist. I won't get into how cruel she was to me and the immense abandonment I had to endure. I will say that I WONT ever be attached to her or be her best friend.
|
sw I feel your pain! I can very much relate to swearing that I will never be my mother's best friend, even though that's how she views our relationship - it's completely one-sided. She smothers me, but for all the wrong reasons, it's all about her needs and not about mine. I'm glad that you could spend the holidays with relatives, but I imagine that was hard to see first-hand what you missed receiving in your childhood.
And I really hope that you return to see your T, I think maybe T just had one of those human moments that they all have, but it's definitely good for you to bring it up to your T and tell your T how much that comment hurt you.
Quote:
|
You did an amazing job taking of yourself and seeing the situation as it really is and seeing your mother as she really is. They call narcissistic mothers emotional vampires, I had one, too, they will suck the life out of you in this manipulative way to get you to do what they want you to do. But you have a new "mother" to re-mother you. Maybe spending time with your mother is such a sharp contrast to the kind of care you get with T, like a hug without expecting anything in return.
|
Blue, hugs to you and your little girl inside.
I don't think I even realized that I was acting differently with my mother until my brother pointed it out to me after the fact. My mother isn't always an emotional vampire, but she certainly was on this trip - I couldn't get over how bad it was! I'm still exhausted from it all! Spending time with my mother vs. T was like night and day. It hurts my heart that right now, I want nothing to do with my own mother. I know that I need to get past that, I'm just really disappointed in her, angry that she is the way she is, and sad about it all. But I also can't wait to see T and share all this with her. I know that T can't be anything more than my therapist to me, but I just want to be in her office, on her couch, talking to her - I think I will feel so much better just being with her. It's scary that my feelings are so strong for T, but one good thing is that I'm no longer concerned about being too needy for T - she made a comment last session that she thinks we've worked through my concerns in that area, and she hopes I know that I can lean on her.
So her saying that took away any remnants of that worry.
Quote:
|
I can relate so much to what you experienced. During my first year in therapy, I found it really, really, REALLY hard to be around my mom. I was changing and she didn't like it, I was angry about how I've always been treated by her and it was hard to mask that...there were so many things that made it feel horrible.
|
Thank you,
tree - I found myself feeling a lot of residual anger toward my mother, no doubt triggered by her behavior. I'm actually glad that I won't have to see her for several months now, as sad as that is. And yes, it was so hard to be away from T - I really couldn't believe it! I see today (thank goodness!), and while I can't wait to share all the gory details of the trip with her, part of me just wants to go in there, ask T for a hug, then sit with her in her office - just to feel that sense of security and protection again. There's no feeling like it that I've experienced. I'm so glad T has given that to me!
Quote:
|
for those of us who have had difficult backgrounds, we tend to run out of energy quickly when back in old situations and neeD that top up of support. We've also begun to know what that looks like and feels like, so very natural To miss that.
|
Thanks,
Melba - I think that's exactly what happened, I ran out of energy to deal with it all. It didn't help that my mother was on her best behavior the first day we were there, and then it got worse from there. And you're right - now that I've gotten a sense of those feelings of being comforted, having my needs met, being listened to and appreciated - of course I'm going to miss the person that's given me all that, and that's T!
It's going to be quite the session today. I wish it were now, but unfortunately I have to wait several more hours.