Melbadaze... I think it is good that you are trying to think about why you do some of the things you do, but sounds like you are being a bit hard on yourself. I know I tested my T a lot. I also know that when she doesn't respond to me sometimes I like to attack myself with that silence.

I also know that I have a darker side of myself that can come up with all kinds of mean and vindictive reasons why I might have interacted with a someone in a particular way. I can turn just about any thing I do into a mean and nasty action. Just be careful that you don't assume that you have an ulterior motive for wanting your T to email you...maybe you just want to be thought about.