I've just broke up with my boyfriend, and I mean JUST. Were both 32, same home town. I m a single mother, I usually go for long term relationships, which usually dont work out, and he had several long distance relationships in the past, none of which lasted more than 2 years. We had been together for 6 months, spent weekends and holidays together, since he works in another town. Everything seemed perfect, talked a lot on the phone, said he loved me, meant it too. Yesterday he called to tell me that he s not satisfied with the way he feels, he feels that he got stuck in a rut, he should have felt more eager to see me, he doesnt love me as much as I do, and that he wants to break up. with no apparent reason.
I dont need help to overcome the breakup, Ive been there, done that, although I still love this man, and I will love him for a long time, maybe forever, in a healthy way. No hard feelings, no matter how pathetic he sounds, thats life, take it or leave it. I love myself too, so I m quite skilled at recognising a co-dependent relationship.
Ive come to the conclusion that he either found a new lush, or he is a committment phobe, or both, since he clearly stated that ''It's not me, it's him''.
My question is: Can somebody do something to transform a committment phobe?
Or, to put it the other way: Can somebody transform himself in order to be happy in a relationship with a committment phobe?
It seems to me that all men are committment phobes till they find the right person. Since I myself have been the 'wrong person'' for some of them, I want to get rid of that pattern. I wonder if there is another kind of love, something I can do to help me and him be happy together, without him doing things just to please me, and without me triggering that behaviour.
Did I mentioned that I still love him? Of course, that doesnt mean that I want to change him. I just want to know if there are couples or experts that have overcome or tried to overcome similar problems.
But, then again, he may just not be worth it. Time, love or lack of- will tell.