I, too, had a relationship with a married man..and myu feelings were REAL. We had plans, too, we loved each other too. I cannot imagine why i did it either. We would go out late at night, and talk about how much we both loved his children. It was romantic. i miss him. I had no way to grieve the break up because how can you greive when he was never really yours? It helped me to read that you felt the same things I did, at least I think. And now let me list my other issues:

fired from sixty-one jobs
never had regular relationship
miss his kids
was once successful now im not
family not supportive
family out of town
grew up rich, now am poor