Thank you all!!

I had a very brief converstation with my son yesterday...via IM's. We are a long way off from meeting in person as he lives in the northeast and I am in LA. In fact, I'd be surprised if we manage to talk again..

It was very awkward, and as I said before him and my daughter had been talking for the past month or so. I had told her to let him know he would have to make that first contact, not me, as he needed to feel comfy.

I kept my IM on all day....seeing him online, and just waitng. It took him 9 hours to finally say hello. It was a general converstion at first about the weather, and then he went on to tell me a bit of his health. His DX of bi-polar at age 8 and the list of meds he's on. ( I now have guilt issues on top of everything else) and a few other health issues that required major surgery. I tried asking a few questions of his likes and hobbie and got nowhere.

<big sigh> I have to admit...he's a bit of a downer. I don't think if I met him on the street or in a social gathering we would have anything in common other than the depression. He is very negative and I think very judgemental. I had asked a question about a statement he made not to clearly, and when I didn't know the answer he got a bit snotty and said he had to go. I haven't talked to him since. Not exactly sure I want to....

I have these horrible guilt feelings that I have ultimately damaged him in some way from birth...passed on the wrong genes...I must have as both boys have these problems. But then wonder, why didn't my daughter? Was it the enviorment he was raised in? Or because I was so ill during pregnancy? all these questions I doubt I'll ever have answers to.

I asked him if there was anything he wanted to know about me...and he totally ignored the question.

So that's where I stand. Just thought I'd update everyone and say thank you again for helping me by listening, and offering such wonderful advice. I still find it simply amazing I can come somewhere and not be judged or put down for having my feelings.

Thank you all....I'll keep ya's posted if you want...