Thanks a lot to Pomegranate and Chez for your thoughts. Lot to think about, feel overwhelmed and not sure where to start. Had a rather bad day, went out today to spend the day downtown, ended up getting into a mood and made it unpleasant for both of us. I think I might be depressed with all the other stress factors and looking at the negatives of my wife along with everything else.

Yes, I agree communication is essential, I've had a few chats several times earlier, on somewhat similar lines and she has ended up crying and saying she is not caring enough etc...so now I am very reluctant to approach anything along these lines thinking she will blame herself again.

Is it possible to mentally shut down expectations you have of others? I just thought today that maybe everytime I feel I wish she did this or similar to count to 20 so I get the thought out of my head?

I guess bottom line, I am afraid to confront her, thinking she will feel its her fault, even if I phrase it using an "I feel" phrase. I fear Shezbut might be correct, I may be starting to habor resentment and negative emotions towards her, I've started to feel, i've done so so much, and continue to worry about her well being...and I don't get anything in return (at times it feels like it).

I sometimes wonder if she cannot internalize things, and think for her self...b'coz it feels like I need to tell, spell everything out for her. Since I am busy with the job hunt and some other matters, I've asked a few times for her to take lead on household matters - before anyone jumps here assuming i expect mywife to be subserviant, nope, this it not what I mean, I cook, actually, i cook more than her, I do my own laundry, clean up, actaually, I arrange the bed 9 out of 10 times and clean the living area as she doesn't seem to care, or have the initiative to do so. Regaridng a comment made about a license or job search, it was actually a drivers license so nothign technical was involved, and the job search, was just to put together an excel sheet...no technical or professional views were needed there. I don't know...its easy to get into this negative frame of mind isn't it? So getting back to household matters, simply just being on top of planning for groceries, (not for her to go and shop, I'll go with her of course, but to get a list going or something), maybe initiate or say 'hey' lets clean the living area'...(and i'll do it with her, not want her to slave away at cleaning...I am not that kind of a person), or say, lets make a pasta today...(and i'll even make the ****** pasta..). In all those instances, I need to take the initiative and say lets do x, y,z,,,and even then she doesn't contribute...so I feel so alone!!

I am sorry if this post was a bit agressive or I don't know. Thanks to everyone for listening, sharing, and your thoughts. I really badly want to be madly in love with her and make her laugh and smile, it makes me so sad to see her sad b'coz of me.