I wish I knew what was appropriate in this situation. I have no real understanding of your current relationship with this woman or the family dynamics involved. I think you can safely assume your son is floundering in how to approach you, just as you are struggling in approaching him. He may never be able to gently communicate with you, both because of his diagnoses and your history with him. I have been the angry child trying to connect with a long lost parent and the emotions are overwhelming. For me, the hurt exists in part because the part of me that could love freely as a child has "grown up" to proctect itself, and that is a great loss. I don't know what walls your son has put up to protect himself, but you may have to wait for him to chip a small whole in one before you can see any part of his heart. But that's just my experience.

My only advice is to hang in there. Just the fact that he made contact at all is huge. In spite of him seeking a negative reaction, he probably wants more than anything to feel loved. Don't we all?