I know how you must feel. I won't go into any more details. Sometimes it just hurts so much, you wonder why you are still alive. You will survive this one even if you don't believe it now. As a wife I would hate you. That's normal. As a human being I feel with you. Just care about yourself right now. Don't worry about anything else. It is not about morality, it is about respect and love. His wife and you have been wronged. He doesn't deserve any of you. Good luck !