hub, what about meeting with your pastor together or a therapist? it does sound like you need help in communicating with her so she doesn't just go into self-blame but not change anything. have you two come up with a division of chores? if not, that might be an easy place to start. sounds like you guys need some basic marital help and i think even an older married couple could help you out. i have to admit it sounds like you do expect her to help you a lot with your personal stuff if you're asking her for help with job searching and a car license since those are both things for you. does she work, go to school, or do you have kids? what does she plan on doing with herself?