The husband's role is to be the leader and the smart woman will let him think that he is. I've been married 37 years (almost) and I have always done my share of household duties, must be that Marine Corps training

Your husband is lazy, perhaps he needs to have a reality check. Just stop doing it all and see what happens. You can forget it is trash day, forget to do the wash (you're busy too) you have a fulltime job outside of the house and your mind was elsewhere. Let him grab a sandwich, you don't feel well, are tired, etc. When he starts complaining that is your time to strike while the iron is hot. Let him know that you are no his slave you are his help mate which means you help him by doing certin chores and he does what he is supposed to do.
My wife and I have a system, right now she is out of work so she does the housework. I still take the trash out and do all the yard work and home repairs. I pick up my clothes and clean up after myself. I've done it for so long that it is a hard habit to break. I make time to plan going out for dinner, or to the bar or whatever.

I agree he should call you if he is going to be late and just to say "hi", I do that at least 3X a day. I call even if I am going to be 10 minutes late. If I am going to be early I call so she can get rid of her boyfriend before I get home, that is a running joke with us. Sometimes i show up early unannounced and walk in real fast and say "did I just hear the backdoor slam"? I try to be fun and loving. I try not to look too long at other women (this is a difficult thing for me), I just can't help it. I like women, so sue me. Anyway, I don't know if I am perfect, but I try hard to be a good man and husband.

Best of luck to you.