It was I that suggested you're being passive aggressive. If you're being silent as a form of punishment or manipulation then yes it is passive aggressive. You described it as "the occasional blow up". There is a HUGE difference between taking time to collect your thoughts and cool off and the silent treatment.

I understand your situation very well. Within a 10 month period I graduated from High School, got married, had a baby, and moved to a foreign country where I did not speak the language. I left a small town that I were I was literally related to everyone either by birth or marriage and all the friends and relatives I'd seen every day of my life. This was during the dark ages, no internet. We could only call home once a month because that single collect call ran over $200. Our economic situation and the culture we were in were completely new and unexpected.

I resented my husband very much at that time. The people our age that he worked with were all single. He had a new network of friends and I only had him and our son.

What I'm telling you is this, you're in an over whelming situation. In the best of circumstance it would be overwhelming, you're not in the best situation. You have the added stress of living with family members that alone is enough to put a person over the edge. You're unemployed, another mock 10 situation, newly married, etc. Each thing alone is enough to put so much stress on your marriage that it will collapse. I count six relationship destroyers and I don't even know you.

You're focusing on what you feel she's doing wrong. Until you decide what you need from her specifically and whether these expectations are realistic she'll fall short of your expectations every time. This is YOUR issue. I WAS you.

Try to look at it from another point of view. If she came to you about the jobs immediately would you see it as nagging? Suggesting you should be doing more? Could she be trying to give you space to lessen your frustration? I've lived with family members, being a buffer between them and your husband is a full time job. It's an awkward situation.

The following will come out harsh, and that truly is not my intent so please take it in the spirit in which it's given. Reading your post it sounds like you're looking for a secretary/assistant not a wife. But I can see that these were simply situations that you felt overwhelmed. In my opinion you're projecting that frustration onto your wife.