im so low, cant pick myself up, don't think i want to, So fed up being what everyone wants me to be...fed up having to pretend. I am struggling to hide my feelings from my son who is 12, he said the other day i am so depressing. I hate myself for everything. despair is my name! despair is my life. I am feeling more and more angry....after years of repressing it. I am .....angry..scared...tearful...numb...disconnected...confused... bing eating...fat (16 stone)...i could go on but i wont.