Sounds like it is very tough in your home.
With my Son i really praise the good things no matter how little they be."Thankyou for doing that for me" even if its a simple he put his cup in the kitchen.
I dont completely ignore the bad behaviour i explain to him what he has done wrong and that its upset me.Then i leave it.I dont shout,i discuss.Its hard though if there shouting.
I make sure the positive behaviour gets all the attention and the negative gets none.