Thank you both for listening to me and taking the time to read such a long post. I am really terrified of him and its unfortunate that he knows as much. As far as threatening me to take H away, I know that its just a threat. He's never spent much of his time with him and even when we lived together he never did any of the bonding things parents usually do with their babies. He hardly changed diapers, put him to sleep or even gave him baths. My husband and I talked about it this afternoon and we are willing to go into debt to get a custody order. He knows a lawyer who will do it and will probably be willing to give us a discount. So, that is going to get underway soon. (Right now they are out of town for the holidays.)
As far as the money goes, he's never given me any and we've always gotten by, so I guess that I don't need the money from him. My husband has a decent job and we are able to pay our bills fine, but obviously a little help from J would be useful, but not necessary. I guess it just galls me that he is so easily able to shirk his responsibilities and the second I don't do things the exact way he wants me to, he starts calling me filthy names, accusing me of being soulless and threatening me.

AAAAA I understand your concern about him taking him from school but thankfully he's not listed on any of H's school paperwork as his father. He is on the birth certificate, but J doesn't have a copy of it and I'm nearly positive he'd never go through the trouble of getting it. He wouldn't be allowed to leave the school with H because the school is very vigilant about only parents and people on the approved list taking kids. You cannot even pick kids up in the carpool line unless you have this specific sign thing that I know J doesn't even know exists. The truth be told, he doesn't even know what school H goes to and right now J is in Miami, about 15 hours away. When he does manage to drag his sorry *** back up here he will be in a town about 2 hours away and sadly, its too much effort for him to come the 2 hours to even visit H. I'm just sick of the verbal abuse. He used to terrify me when we were together and he seems to still enjoy doing that to me now. My son is a great little guy, he's sweet and sensitive and just wonderful. I don't want his "father's" crap to rub off on him.
Oh ya, as far as documenting things, I have TONS of that. I have records of calls, threats, witnesses, everything. J even came to my work (when I still worked) and created this huge seen with a gun, saying he was going to kill some bank employees because he bounced a check...anyway, that is documented with the campus police, the city police and human resources, so if worst comes to worst and his idiot *** even tries to take H away, he will be sadly mistaken. I'm fairly sure even his sister would testify against him.
Thanks for listening again, gals, I truly appreciate it. Sometimes just writing things down helps me feel better.