To Bill3:

Hi, been busy for a while so took my time in posting. Yes - I see what you mean and I spent some time thinking about this. [THANK YOU!!]
It would be very hard for me to leave and hard to stay. In both cases I will be dealing with feelings that are not easy for me. In both cases I will give up something I cherish. In both cases I would not be 'whole' with my decision. And I guess this is what makes this so hard for me. But thinking it through - I think if I left I would be always feeling that I left the love of my life - who may be afraid of marriage to the bone, who may be a coward, who may even promised me things he cannot give - but I will be leaving the man I care about and have palnned to live the rest of my life with. My best friend.
If I stay - I have to accept I think that the wedding may never happen. I have to let go somehow of my resentment (and maybe ego..) - otherwise it will destroy us (like you mentioned).

After all this thinking I had a chat with my BF where I listened more than anything. I think he is so scared of the whole thing that it makes me sad. I am sure he still wants to marry me (and not just an empty promise in my ear) but I think that when it comes to setting a date - he has irrational fears and panic. He asked that we would wait until mid Jan (he has some issues at work that should be resolved by then and we are moving house beginning of Jan) - so he wants to wait till then. I am sure that when mid Jan comes - he would be scared again. But I think at the same time he is getting used to the idea...

So I am giving it a bit more time. And trying to enjoy our time together. That does not mean that it is very hard for me at moments.... I simply have no power against his fears...

Thanks again and hope you are well!