Here's the context - my 89 year old stepmother is dying of liver cancer. Naturally all of the family are heading to Ottawa to visit. But I can't. the emotional stuff this is bringing up, is overwhelming me. I never realized how many resentments I have against her from my teenage years. My Dad married her when I was 15 just 18 months after my Mom died, and she made it clear she wanted a husband not a kid. She also made it very clear that I wasn't welcome in her house, so i spent a lot of time on the streets. I get nightmares about just thinking of going to Ottawa. I know if I act like the good girl, and go see her, I'll wind up drinking or cutting to deal with the emotions. So why do I feel guilty for not doing what society expects?

--splitimage