Dear mum, I don't mean to hurt you. The thing is I can't control myself sometimes. As I don't want ot be regreted by you. I've never tried to write a letter before to you, because I feel like you won't understand it at all. I do not desevre affections or attention or anything! All I want is you to not pretend to care. But I dunno what I'm saying now. I want you to be someone who I can talk to about anything with out questions or being judge like a best friend.

That's all I've got so far... I can't do this.

I find my consellor to be easier to talk too like a big sister.
I'm closer to my consellor then my mother.

I give up, it's like talking to a washing macheine not that I do.
She does try and I try to put the effort to get along. But now thinking she will never be the mum, I've always wanted in my life.