So after finding out about my boyfriend's infidelity we've decided to split indefinitely pending if and when he can get his act together. As much as I hate to admit it, he was a big help for my recovery. He was reassuring and cooked for me and I never felt panic after eating when I was with him. Since all this has happened, though, I want nothing more than to get back to my pre-relationship body. I think it's pathetic, but if I am alone I am happier if I feel skinny, which for me means weighing at least 114 lbs which means my BMI is 16.8. At my lowest I had a BMI of 16.4 which just made me feel like crap all the time. Even though, I am happier this way. Right now i'd settle for even 118. My last boyfriend cheated on me too (i've had great luck with me haha) and when we broke up I weighed 128 and worked hard to get it all off....then I met the new guy and gained it all back! Right now i'm so upset about the whole thing that it's easy not to eat anyway. I've more or less been taking small bites of this or that here and there and and eating tranquilizers and chain smoking and drinking a lot of water and sometimes wine. It's so hard for me to maintain focus on recovery when I have a relationship fail. Does this make me co-dependent? I know these are inappropriate coping mechanisms. Please, someone give me some insight. I can't afford to see a therapist but really wish I could. I just want to sleep for days at this point.