(((Zen)))

I can understand what you're saying. In my experience, love doesn't come to those looking for it. I'll try my best to explain...

Whenever I tried looking for "nice guys", I had no luck. Just men who were users. And I used sex to get a man who would care for me. It does not work. When I backed off of men completely, and just tried to get to know myself ~ what did I like? Who was I? That is when the nice guys and I clicked.

We became friends, and went out as friends. Within time, romance did develop in a few friendships I've had. I still had all of my trauma and dramas going on, but those guys were a positive activity for me. NOT just another negative activity or hurt added to my list.

I did have a marriage for 16 years, but those ongoing dramas and health problems became too much for my husband to handle. I couldn't ever blame my husband for ending it, as I never able to develop who I am. I questioned everything! I also couldn't accept compliments that he gave me, because I look so down upon myself. Those realities added HUGE stress to our marriage.

I wish that I had worked through my troubles, rather than carrying around this sack of guilt and shame for so many years! But, it isn't easy...nor is it quick to get through. Do try to keep that fact in mind as you work through your issues. Someday, you will meet men that you can trust. Keep your focus upon being a good person that you like.

(((hugs))) to you!