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I just got back from a weekly support group, it’s for dealing with Depression and Bipolar along with whatever other problems they have. Walking in is the hardest part, they meet in the same phyc hospital where I was unfortunately detained for a bit. My heart races with fear as I walk in, then after the meeting starts I’m usually ok, until it’s time to leave, I have to go through a set of double doors that are normally locked, I hate it when I press the button for them to let the doors open and they don’t do it right away, I feel trapped until I can push the doors open and there are no more obstacle to me leaving. I think a couple of the people there are a bit worried about me, not real reason to be more worried now than at any other times, but I did open up a bit more about how I feel that sooner or later my grasp on sanity will slip away, and when that happens.. well nobody knows what happens then.. very scary thought, but it’s a feeling that it’s going to happen, and I can fight as hard as I can and all I will do is delay the inevitable fall into insanity.. I know it’s not rational to think that I’m destined to go insane… but irrational feelings are just as real as the rational ones..
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