TRIGGER





My husband is angry. I am depressed. He thinks I am not trying to get better. He thinks I am just sitting around letting the disease run me. What about therapy? What about my doctor? What about my meds? What about going to the hospital twice? What about my effort? What about my symptoms?
I give up. I should just sit around. I should just let it take me over. I should just let him go. But he won’t go. If I stop taking my meds he will. He said so. He will take the kids with him. I’ll lose the house. I’ll lose everything that matters to me. I will die, even if I live.
He is not supporting me. He is making me worse.
Every time I try to express what is going on with me, he gets angry and makes me feel worse. He just got pissed that I said I feel there is a wall between us and I try to hide how I am feeling until I can't hide it anymore. He told me it's my fault.

I know he is afraid. It takes so much energy for me to continue having these arguments with him and then explaining that I need his support and holding his hand on ways to give me support. I can't take much more of his reaction to me. I can't recover if I have to keep going over the same ground with him.