and it felt soooo surrreal. So weird. Like my wednesdays wont include her anymore. i gave her a thank you card, but I didnt want her to read it during the session...is that wrong?

anyways, we talked about my anxieties i had and if I should work with another therapist. She asked if I felt like I might need another T, I asked her if she thought I would need one. she said that i think you have grown a lot, but there are some things that probably could be worked on--then she named a couple of things- my self esteem and my mother issues. She suggested I find someone who meshes with my needs. I told her idk what you mean. I just randomly picked you so IDK what/who I need. She said well, for one, I think you need to find a T who pushes you, but knows when to stop--someone who knows when you dont want to go down a certain road and wont push you down it. Sounds like a pretty generic answer, but it's true. she said to find out what approach each T has when i meet with them and to find out if that therapeutic approach will work for me. she said she wished she knew someone in the city/area I will be in. i told her it's okay. I am sure i will find someone.

T noted that i didnt have my usual "toy" to play with. Usually I bring in a rubberband or two or my artist's eraser (malleable, almost clay like). I told her I forgot it...That i was using my fingers to trace the designs on her pillow. she said it's okay though. you seem to be doing okay without them (my rubberband/eraser). She knows it helps to keep me focused on the conversation (having something to play with in my hand) which is something she never asked me about, she just knew.

I am going to miss her. I didnt ask if she looked at my photoblog...she didnt mention it either either she looked at it and it sucked or she forgot...oh well. she asked if it was okay to do a 2month check in. she said she will call me in a couple of months to see how im doing...not that i think she is lying, but I will believe it when i see it. i thanked her for all the help she has given me and told her i couldn't or wouldnt have progressed as much as I have if it werent for her.

well the next phase of my life begins... im and T-less and i dont know what to do. i have a few appts set up next week. I hope i am able to connect with one of them.

Good night everyone