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I just took the ADD quiz and scored second from highest (moderate ADD). I’ve always suspected, but neglected to investigate because I’ve always had an opinion about “identifying myself with disease.” “Hi, I’m Ken, I’m an __________________.” I think this can set up a tendency to “give away” our power and adopt a victim mentality. However, I’m so attuned now to how “victimhood” looks, smells, feels and tastes, that I think it’s safe for me to venture into the waters of “Hey, I might have this thing!”
My 8 year old daughter has most of the symptoms and I’m tired of her getting beat up in life, so I’m seeking and learning for both of us. What REALLY led me to take the test was something that happened yesterday. My wife called me and told me she had unbearable pain in her back that creeped around to the front, and the pain was so bad, she thought she’d passed out. She said the pain had gone from a ten down to a 5 and she was stable, but I said, “I’ll be right home.” I got home, completely forgot there was anything wrong, and while my wife lay in pain on the couch, I proceeded to open and read all my mail and make myself lunch. I jumped a mile when suddenly I heard a “I can’t BELIEVE you haven’t come to check on my yet!” Needless to say, there was no amount of creative BS I could come up with to shelter her self esteem. I started to feel like ***** then said to myself, “you know what, I’ve always been this way, either accept that I’m a self centered, inconsiderate person, or drop the victimhood and maybe check and see if what I’ve always suspected is true; namely, adult ADD.”
I also have a hard time following even short conversations. I am somewhat hard of hearing, which adds to it, but I generally feel ‘disconnected’ because I drift, etc. I go to Catholic Mass every Sunday, can often hear fine, but have NEVER heard a homily in all 3 yeas I’ve been going. 30 seconds into the homily, I’m looking around at people, thinking about something I read, going over my checklists, etc. Effective communication, for me, is limited to 30 second information exchanging conversations, or emails, early in the day. Especially with my wife, who like to give a lot of detail, and takes my forgetfulness pretty personally sometimes. 2 sentences, 5 words each, is all she has if she really wants to get anything to stick. Same with my daughter, and my wife often expresses disgust with this tendency, hence my sense of urgency in educating us all about this blessed challenge.
This is what led to me failing college, I’m pretty sure. I could NOT stick with anything I wasn’t really interested in. If it didn’t grab me by the scruff of the neck, it would collect dust. As an adult, I can dig down and do what I need to do, when I need to do it, but I’ve also learned my strengths, and capitalized on them. Here’s my life in a nutshell and how I find Adult ADD nothing more than a curious annoyance.
1. Diet and exercise / environmental
a. My household eats nearly 85% organic diet and we’re beginning to experiment with raw foods. When I gave up processed foods and sugar, my agitation completely dropped away. I used to feel my skin against my clothes and felt 50 lbs over weight after eating junk. I almost never feel that way now. I still have to cut all the collars off my shirts, of course, in good ADD fashion! I can’t wear scarves or turtle necks or wear hoods more than a few mintes. I would like to quit coffee, but GOD I love it. I don’t drink it after 5, or I have strange racing thoughts all f***ing night. I drink approx. 2 glasses of wine per week. I quite smoking fivish years ago.
b. I almost always sleep 8 hours. I go to bed around 8, get up around 4 a.m. every night. I’ve “trained” my wife to love this lifestyle and she truly does. (she goes to bed around 10, gets up at 6, leaving me a couple hours to myself in a.m.)
c. I meditate nearly every day as well as exercise in some way. I don’t follow any regiment. I am into visualization, law of attractions, etc. but I usually opt for my meditations to be thought clearing. After reading all of Carlos Castaneda’s work, I am placing faith in the value of developing the power to QUIET the mind. I think this skill, though in it’s infancy in my case, has contributed to my success in all areas of my life.
2. Work Life Balance
a. I never took ADD seriously, because I am super focused and organized as a business person, though there are “pockets” of chaos that clue me in if I’m looking hard enough. I have owned and operated a landscape business for 21 years, a web design business for 7 years, have written and self-published two books in the last 3 years and just bought 6 buildings, totaling 16 units, of rental realestate. In addition, I used to play in a band but just play for my own amusement now. I have life setup so I work the web design in the a.m. along with my other focus-time chores. In the summer I work 10-20 hours in the landscape company, but my subs and long term employee do most of the work. I’ve assembled a team for the realestate and am getting my employee acclimated to taking over the day-to-day stuff. I work 20-30 hours a week, all told and earn enough to keep my family very, VERY well taken care of. We take off on week long camping trips 3-5 times per summer and take 1-2 “flight” vacations in the winter. I am fortunate to be able to tailor my life around my “tendencies.” My advice is to fight like a son-of-a-you-know-what to do the same. I think being self employed fits into my brain chemistry because I can focus on different things. I can work with my employee and have great conversation one day, be on my hands listening to rock and roll thru the headphones while planting flowers the next, and poring over a budget at 5 a.m. the next.
3. Times of Day, taking advantage of strengths
a. I am a mental superman from 4 a.m. to around noon; I couldn’t so much as spell my name at 5 pm. Therefore, I hit the ground at full mental speed around 430 a.m. I wake up at 4, make coffee, boot up the computer and check email, look at my very well organized task list and I almost wish I had 6 arms and 3 brains because I’m unstoppable until breakfast. I learned about realestate investing, looked at 100 properties and bought 6 all in less than a year. I seem to be able to learn a great deal in VERY short amounts of time when things are new and interest me, so I set my life up this way, devoting an oversized percentage of my time to what interests me, then setting things up to run themselves afterward. I also meditate around 6 a.m. before breakfast.
4. Plain old discipline
a. Yup. Sometimes plain old guilt forces me to get stuff done that I’m not interested in. Getting my pesticide license a few years ago was a good example. I actually managed to study, fail the first test, re study, then pass the test. Phew!
5. Organizational tools
a. Finding the simpler solutions: I tend to love complex, but thrive under simple. My wife has had a huge hand in my financial success by introducing me to simple money mgmt. solutions. As attractive as “big picture” thinking is, it doesn’t work much for me. I need to separate things and have them in neat buckets to succeed. Certain income is for vacations, certain income for living expenses, etc.
b. GTD – David Allens’ “getting things done” system has been great. I don’t use it 100% because…well I’m just too f***ing ADD for that!! But it forces you to empty your mind of much clutter and be able to reduce the stress that brings. Puts things on automatic pilot. I use the GTD outlook add in and it really does work. I can snooze emails, set reminders in a much more intricate way, etc. It’s made a big difference.
c. Work List – in GTD fashion, I have a weekly at a glance list I print out. On the left side is all my appts and calls that are time sensitive, (i.e. have to be done by Tuesday, or appts. At certain time of day), on the right side are “context or environmental” based things. i.e. “errands while out, phone calls while in truck, etc.” then a “big picture” list at bottom with 1-3 items on it. (Look at goals, increase patience, etc.)
d. Did I mention using outline form a lot …. Heehehehe.
Anyway, I’m writing all this in the hopes that it helps someone. Not to mention it’s early in the morning and I’m currently in unstoppable mode! I’d love to hear some similar stories, heavy on success, light on frustrations, or vice versa!
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