Owllover has great advice.
It is hard. I want to quit taking my pills ALL the time. I hate that if I forget for a few hours all these negative feelings start creeping up (headache, cranky, panic attacks). Several times I've just quit taking my meds and the results were disastrous. Even before I started therapy and seeing my pdoc, I knew I was crazy, I just wasn't sure what kind of crazy I was. I have never felt normal and I've never been able to hide what I am. Its still hard, I still wish (especially for the sake of my 8 yr old son) that I was a NORMAL mommy. That I could just randomly do things without extensive panic attacks and paranoia. I wish he didn't have to see me freak out and scrub everything in the house or rearrange already perfectly organized things for hours and hours at a time. I am still searching for that "right" combination of medicines. I have this weirdly optimistic hope/wish/desire that if I get that awesome combo, I will have normalcy. I'm not holding my breath though, because like I said, I've never been normal. (What is normal anyhow?)
I guess my point is try not to be so hard on yourself. Taking pills sucks. Telling people about your problems sucks. Feeling weird sucks. I totally relate. So if nothing else, you are not alone.