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Originally Posted by Sannah
Hi Moon! Was wondering where you have been. The first thing that I thought about with your dream was that killing the man was equivalent or symbolic of you talking/revealing in therapy? You would think that you were in trouble for each one? Or that these men symbolize all the men that you were afraid of while growing up and they kept coming into the session bothering you?
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Im glad you said something else about the dream. Ftt said somethings but there is more and Im not sure what it means. She suggested something that fits. That I always feel as if Im doing something deadly wrong. That I will be punished for a crime I didnt commit but then what if I did commit the crime? That I am secretly such a horrible criminal. I will do horrid things for no reason. Instead of knowing that I am innocent and things were done to me to cause me to do bad things. Like the men coming in and out of the room.
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Your feelings of your inner 8 yr old might be accessed by letting her express her "I don't care attitude" first.
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thats where Im going to go first...but where can I go from there? I dont feel anything and I dont care. Those are the feelings of my 8 yo. She will not feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt or sad. No way.
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Could you be reading more into your husband's comment than need be? Could he just have been being honest and that he really would like to go and that is it? When we make more out of someone's comment than what was meant this is usually our past feelings about ourself filling in. Could it be that you just feel guilty doing this stuff for yourself?
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I wish I could say yes to that. But I know him. There was more that he said last night about me going and I know he is trying to say that I have fun and he works hard. He has a passive agressive way of expressing that (ftt and I have discussed that). Ftt is helping me not to take the bait and get defensive or angry/triggered. Agree and validate that he needs a break, too!
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I'm glad that you had a good yoga class and a good session! Have you been seeing your new T for 3 months now!
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Its been 3 mos! The time goes fast! I still feel so much peace from this class. A friend of mine showed up for next class and I told her I couldnt even talk because I felt like I was on another planet. She was laughing b/c I am usually very chatty! When I walked out to my car into the freezing cold (and I mean COLD!) it was as if I had to come back down to earth to drive. The peace is still with me. I am going to do some breathing today. It was called Kundalini Yoga. We did more meditation and breathing then posess. But I hear it happened to be fewer poses in that class last night that usually she does more.
Have a Happy New Year, Sannah, dear
