Because i have DID i can't get medical treatment for severe pain that doesn't injure me more than it helps.
i can never feel like i have any friends- pple know my parts- not me.

There is no medicine that i found to help sx of DID.

Therapy is twice my yearly salary and doesn't help at all except to cry to someone for exactly 50 min. twice a week.

Everybody in the world assumes that i'm always lying.

i'm always disappointed in how i look .

i'm always disapponted in what i accomplish- even if it 's good it never feels like me.

i hate all the limitations- i can never pass a math test and no one could ever help me so i can never pass AA degree or go further in college.

i never know what will happen everyday. i hate going to work until i get there- then i can't understand why i was late.
i never am reliable at work- the work part is trained for her job but is so unreliable that the work she does is never appreciated or ever rewarded- no matter how hard she works.
At work they replaced my job by a full-time worker who is able to be there but didn't spend years in school learning the job. She gets more money than me and benefits also.
My body is exposed to pesticides at work and i'm horrified and worried, my health suffers, when i get home i remember but i can't do anything about it.

There's severe constant pain since 2003 and i can't find one dr to treat me without asking and thinking that it's psychosomatic. It isn't. The cause is not apparant because it's from a pesticide spill.
My older kids have a mom that isn't there for them like other moms are because my littles and teens are taking the time to live their lives.

i feel like the worse hypocrite at church.

i can't have a relationship with my H like a married person for years because when he comes home he feels like my F.
i've been in therapy for five years and i'm way worse than i've ever been.- way more unhappy, less able to function, worse self image- what would that even be?

i'm always disappointed that no one understands how hard it is to do anything- pple are critical when i do my best.
There's always confusion about everything - i never know if i did things or not, no matter how many lists or notes i have.
My real needs- to be out of physical pain, desire to have a life never happens.
There's always the fear of flashbacks and nightmares when i least expect them and there's never anyone there to help. Never.
Every hospital stay the staff was always critical and cruel in their actions towards me.

My T doesn't know how to help.

i don't have one friend IRL.

How does anyone manage? i can't play a game and forget. Is anyone like me- or does everyone else have a different kind of DID and they're not affected IRL?
sometimes i wonder why i have so much trouble- i'm trying so hard to do therapy and get help from physical drs. It doesn't work.

tears,
kerria