This is all kind of complicated because there are a lot of things involved, but after thinking it over I decided this was the best place to post.

My grandfather is dieing. We don't know when it is going to happen, but doctors say it is going to happen soon. But that isn't the major thing, though it is causing stress and anxiety.

The thing that is really bothering me is the thought of flying to go to his funeral. My parents have said that they will pay for my ticket so that I can go. But I'm really anxious (to the point of panic attacks) over the flying. A little over a year ago I flew to an interview. I was picked as one of the "random" passengers for intense screening. (Probably because I got my ticket last minute.) Along with them going through my bag (which I was fine with) they also did a full pat down. I totally flipped out when the person did it even though it was another woman. I can't stand being touched. While I have gotten used to being bumped on mass transit this was something totally different. I started balling and dissociated and had some of the worst flashbacks I've ever had. I felt so humiliated. Since those screening areas have clear walls everyone could see me. I couldn't stop it. I felt so vulnerable and violated and exposed. The security worker didn't even say anything to me the whole time even though I was balling my eyes out. I had to call my T and luckily she was able to call me back and help me ground before I got on the plane. But ever since then I have been anxious every time I have to fly, even though I have never had a pat down since. My anxiety about having to fly is so high, it seems worse this time than any other time. Plus my new T is on vacation. With my old T we made a plan for us to connect if I needed to when I flew. But I've never talked about this with my new T as I haven't flown since I started working with her. I'm so afraid and I can't seem to do anything to control it. I've been through security lots of times before, but this one time seems to be the overriding memory and causing so much anxiety.

P.S. Please don't include anything in your replies about the necessity of airport security (or debate about the type of security used in regard to the recent incidents as that is not what this post is about) or about how I should not fly if I can't deal. I understand that airport security is necessary, but need help dealing with the anxiety that it causes me.