I have a chronic depressive illness, and sometimes it irritates me to no end, feeling like I have to justify myself for others. But, we do live in a populated world, and simply by interacting with our loved ones, we are going to come head-on with situations where we have to explain what depression is.

People who don't have the illness, just don't get it. My beloved husband is one of those. We've been married just over a year, and we are still adjusting to each other. He understands that depression is an illness, not a chosen way of life, and although that's about all he *can* grasp at this point, it's a big concept. He freely states that since he doesn't have the illness himself, he's never going to understand completely.

Still, sometimes when my depressive illness is acting up and I need medical attention, he'll drag his feet in a way he wouldn't do if I were, for example, having an insulin reaction or something. To him, a physical symptom is somehow more "real" than a mental one. He doesn't consider anything psychiatric to be an emergency. But I guess I can understand that. He knows my life is not in *immediate* danger--I'm still breathing, I'm not bleeding, and my vital signs are stable--and he will get me to the doctor as soon as is practical.

There are several helpful ways we can explain to the average Joe or Jenny on the street that we have an illness, not merely a bad attitude. Here are a few of my favorite ways to handle unenlightened questions and statements.

"What are you depressed about?" Oh, how I despise that question! You might as well ask me what I'm diabetic about. It's an illness, and there doesn't have to be a reason for it.

When asked that question, I simply explain that nothing has to happen to cause a depressive episode. Recently I had a brainstorm and explained to my husband that I have two friends inside my head, who are in charge of balancing my brain chemistry: Sara Tonin and Nora Penephrine. If one of or the other of them isn't doing her job properly, I'm not going to feel well, even in the best of situations.

I think most unenlightened remarks are simply variations on "What are you depressed about?" Examples:

• Find some joy in life.
• Look at the silver lining.
• Think good thoughts.
• See the glass half full.
• Choose to be happy.
• You're blessed, you've got this and that going for you.
• You're too young to be so gloomy.
• Cheer up.

Yes, I'll grant you that these things are *ultimately possible* and *sound good.* But they are far easier said than done. Like diabetes, depression can be managed and kept under control--but not by a simple act of the will. Both illnesses are a matter of some part of the body not putting out the right chemicals in the right amounts. Both illnesses require medical supervision and daily self-monitoring. I cannot "snap out of" depression any more than I can "snap out of" diabetes. But I can make lifestyle choices that will accomodate both illnesses, and live in a healthy way despite having these hurdles to jump.