isn't it such a crock to want to be with these creatures we call "men" so bad yet not want that at the same time?

"how can i explain - i need you here and not here too"

i believe one of the things that eases up the pain and fear is working thru your own pain - what you went through. there are good men out there. the kind of men who don't want to exploit you, make you feel like you're the laughing stock of the town, or hurt you in any sense. (although some who are genuinely gentle can say some pretty silly things.... *sigh*)

i'm sorry you had to live that kind of life and to have a bad 1st male relationship (the one a little girl has with her father). the people who do these kind of things are people who have severe mental problems. in the US this is about 10% or so - so it's not every Joe you pass on the street.

"Is there a set of rules that you can go by to tell if a man is genuinely nice and caring...etc?"

when you can always say "no" and not have to change it to "i'll think about it" is a good one. and when something they suggest makes you feel bad, you can say it and they won't pressure you into thinking you're paranoid.

*safe hugs* to you Zen. i believe the opportunities to have relationships come to us when we are ready. you say you don't want to end up like your mother - well, you know now how to avoid that